all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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