We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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