I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
