2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
