oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
