You're my little dorito
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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