No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize