I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
