i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
