Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
