Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I deserve this hangover.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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