i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
