Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
