that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
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