I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
