At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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