walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
they need to just BURY HIM!
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
