That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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