I just pynch a tree in the face
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
