Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
