I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
