Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just googled if crying burns calories
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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