life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
do nipples grow back?
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