Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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