College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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