"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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