So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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