new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
