I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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