Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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