I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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