This girl is more easily done than said...
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
