am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
