His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
