So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
