if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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