I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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