T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
