i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
