Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
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