Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
