a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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