I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
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