He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
