seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
