dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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