I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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