There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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