Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize