i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
