I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
