it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
he just fucked me for my cheese.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
