She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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