Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
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