her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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