You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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