I just pynch a tree in the face
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
