Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
