He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize