how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
