watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
