Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
