I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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