So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize