It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
