peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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