community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
