turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
