I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
