So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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