My boss' voice literally gives me gas
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
i think i just lost a toe
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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