i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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