why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Drunk is a universal language darling
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
