if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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