so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize